Sorry
It's been a while
Since we last spoke
And I realize
I've been gone
Now the weather's cleared
And I've come home
But it seems like
You've moved on
The lock on the door has changed
The lock on the door isn't the same
I'm sorry
I hurt you
I had no right
I had no right
I just couldn't see
I was pushing away
The best
Part of me
And thought it feels
Like I'm too late
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for you
'Cause I know you're hurting too
'Cause I know you're hurting too
'Cause I know you're hurting too
'Cause I know you're hurting too
I'm sorry
I hurt you
I had no right
I had no right
I just couldn't see
I was pushing away
The best
Part of me
I'm sorry
I hurt you
I had no right
I had no right
I just couldn't see
I was pushing away
The best
Part of me
Lately I've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed with the relationships in my life, both romantic and non romantic. It's just been too many changes in too little a time, and I feel like I've had to shut myself down emotionally as much as I could to cope.
I've lost a boyfriend of a year and a half, 3 of my best friends, and it seems like the esteem of everyone else. During my relationship, I neglected my friendships. Once I realized this (half subconciously) I broke it off with my ex, only to find that I was too late, and that my friends were weary of my unacceptable behaviour.
Thing is, I've always prided myself in the fact that when I loved someone, I was fiercely protective, and that Love with my is 110% or nothing. However, this entire break up has been like hoding a mirror up to my face that only shows the ugly. I think I was wrong, because I've hurt my best friends, and I don't know how I can make it better.
I am trying so hard to not blame my friends for their reactions to the sitatuation. I try my best to stay positive, be strong, and not to place my burden on other people. Thing is, it's so hard. I feel so alone, and so abandoned. I get thoughts like: Yes, I was wrong, but why didn't you tell me you were THIS upset? I thought we weren't in that much trouble. I broke it off with him to be with you guys anyway, and now you've turned your backs on me when I need you most?
However, when ever I think these thoughts, I am also mad at myself. When it all comes down to it, I was still the one who made bad choices, and pushed away the people who loved me the most in this world.
While no girl should have to go through this type of thing alone, I guess in some sick, twisted sort of way I deserve this.
I dunno.
What have I done?
