Essayer. I dare you.

Let me start this post by laughing miniacally. Seriously, it's too bad I can't record it so you can hear it. Rather, it's too bad you're never going to see this:

Really? Do you honestly think he'll ever have feelings for you?

Ok, let me just lay this out for you, love:

He may have changed over the past 8 months, but that does not cancel out the time I spent with him. To a certain degree, I know him. Therefore, I can say without a single shred of doubt in my mind, he will never love you.

Don't get me wrong, you're an amazing woman. Unfortunately, he's never going to see that. To him, you are intimidating. You are too forceful to be pretty.

You, honey, are a handsome woman. You have too much pride to let him win. You're never going to be able to lay yourself down, and WILLINGLY stroke his ego with a tender caress. You can challenge him, you can push him, but I'll promise you he'll never push back the way you desire.

I'll even help you. I'll tell you about the things that make him squirm, how he likes to be touched, what he likes to hear, the sounds that he makes when you tease him just so. And you can mimic them. Wear your hair down and curly, wear flat shoes and suck on plump, ripe strawberries and chocolate covered almonds. You can slick your lips with clear, shiny gloss, clad yourself in flowy sundresses and aviators, listen to indie rock and jazz, wear Cassis Rose perfume and bake him ginger molasses cookies. None of it will mean anything.

Because you'll never be me.

You're too forceful, tall, needy, big-boned, clumsy, awkward, know-it-all, polite, pale, blonde, theatrical, neurotic, controlling, oppressive.

You can't ever let go of anything.

You can't make him want you.

You can't make him ache for you.

You can befriend him. MSN him at night. Tell me tidbits of your conversation to make me feel like the outsider.

That's okay.

Because I had something you'll never have.

So go ahead. Essayer. Try. I dare you.